Nobody puts baby in a Pizza Corner

Listen, I wanted to like this pizza. I really did. Look at that artwork on the front of the wrapper, it’s straight out of the soviet union. Unfortunately, like many space age things from the soviet union, it’s all glamour and no substance. I actually had a brief moment of panic when I started eating it because I thought I had COVID. It was just… flavorless. When I finally got a bite of pepperoni I was able to calm myself down, but that’s not a great start for a pizza. North Dakota really phoned it in on this one.

Pros:

• It’s aesthetically pleasing, I suppose. Looks like they put actual effort into making it look like a pizza you’d want to eat. They sure as shit fooled me.

Cons:

• It’s so flavorless it made me think I had lost my sense of taste. How could that possibly be a good pizza? (-2 points)

• The crust was too thick, it even had a ridge along the outside like you’d expect from non-frozen pizza. But why? That’s just wasted space. (-1 point)

• Considering it wasn’t good, had no flavor, lacked cheese and toppings, and had too much crust, the caloric count for the whole thing sat around 2200. They need to go back to the drawing board on this one. Waste an entire days worth of food intake for some bread. (-1 points)

6/10

it’s still pizza