The sun’s incandescent tendrils blaze across a cool morning sky, latching onto the Earth below and chafing against the darkness that exists in all man. It is a new day, and I am born. I have eaten the bread and the body of Target, and found its spirit to be hollow, and wanting.

Pros:

• Decent layout of pepperoni.

• Can probably be used to soak up oil spills in garages.

Cons:

• Well, for starters, it’s not very good. (-1 point)

• Not enough cheese, naturally. (-1 point)

• While the crust wasn’t very good, it was at least fairly flavorless. (-1 point)

• 90% certain the sauce was old ketchup (-1 point)

6/10