Daiya is not pizza, it is sin
This pizza tastes like someone ate a lunchable, described the taste to Dr. Seuss, then had him make a pizza out of various oozes found in a car engine. The cheese has the consistency and texture of Elmer’s glue, as if the company saw how people use glue to make fake cheese for promotional shoots, and thought “hey, I bet you can eat that without dying.” The crust has this texture like someone lit a loaf of bread on fire for a few minutes, then sprayed it with a hose to put it out. The side that faces down was very crunchy, but the innards were spongey and wet. I even overcooked this because the cheese didn’t look like it was melting, but that’s what happens when you use horse hooves for cheese, I guess. The impossible meat they used for the pepperonis wasn’t actually impossible, it was just Jello with seasoning. Definitely something I want to eat on a pizza. I can’t even remember the defining characteristics of the sauce because the entire composition was so disgusting I could only get half of it down. I put the rest on the table and let my cat near it, but after he licked it a few times he jumped down and wasn’t interested. I don’t even let my cat eat “people food” but he would still prefer a small tin of wet beef over this pizza. I was actually cooking this pizza before I looked at the box and saw just how “diet-friendly” it was: gluten free crust, dairy free cheese, meatless pepperoni. I can understand one of those things, but the combination? No one is going to seriously go into a grocery store with a gluten sensitivity, or a vegan lifestyle, and think “Ah, finally, a frozen pizza that I can eat.” They probably make their own, at home, and it tastes way better. I am all for a meatless, vegan lifestyle, because I think the planet needs to wain off its reliance on animals if we want to live sustainably. That being said, if this is what the future holds for pizza, I will absolutely kill as many people as I can, and myself, to spare everyone the suffering of the years ahead. Also, if you don’t want to eat meat, don’t buy a pizza with meat toppings, maybe. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS HORRIBLE INSULT OF A FOOD PRODUCT!
Cons:
In a bold defiance of human life, this exists. (-9 points)
1/10
I want to leave room for something else to be worse
