These are three distinct brands of pizza: Veggie Vita, as seen below; Mystic Pizza Vita, which has the EXACT same box art as Veggie Vita; Mystic Pizza, which seems to be unrelated. Who in the shit named these things and then put them all on sale in the same grocery store? Here’s an even more bizarre fact: Veggie Vita and Mystic Pizza are two unique companies, but I cannot figure out who makes Mystic Pizza Vita. On the whole foods website, it lists it under the Mystic Pizza brand. But why, then, does it have the exact same art as Veggie Vita? Neither company lays claim to this bastard brand on their websites. I guess the next time I’m in Whole Bezos Foods I’ll have to sit in the freezers and inspect each box until I solve this mystery. I’m sure I’ll look just as sane as I always do, while I weep over the vast amount of garbage I have yet to inject into my body. Each pizza has taken a year off my life.

Pros:

• Really digging the whole Clue aspect of this brand.

Cons:

• It’s strictly vegetarian, but makes no attempt to add flavor to the pizza through any means. (-1 point)

• This is the first not-regular crust I’ve had that wasn’t bad, but it was way thicker than it needs to be. (-1 point)

• I still don’t know what the “veggie sausage” is. Is it impossible meat? Just ground veggies? Why not make a fake pepperoni?! They were OK. (-1 point)

• The sauce sucked. (-1 point)

6/10