If you’re here for the thrilling conclusion of “mystic-veggie-vita” I have grave news: I still don’t know which ones are unique companies. Given that there’s a movie based on this one, I will eat this, and then I shall eat no more. AND ANOTHER THING, how on earth do you make a pizza that tastes like an open face subway sub, and get a movie deal out of it? No one should seek out this pizza. No, not because it’s the worst I’ve had, but because there’s absolutely nothing good or special about it. If I had closed my eyes and eaten this I would not have been able to discern it from any of the billions of buffet-style pizzas I’ve had in the past.

Pros:

• I now have 1 degree of separation from Julia Roberts.

Cons:

• Crust is thick, chewy, and bland. (-2 points)

• Sauce is nothing special. (-1 point)

• Cheese (on the cheese pizza???) is of a low quality. (-2 points)

5/10