I have struggled with this rating. I tried to find fault in this. I think the slightly heavy use of Italian seasoning will be off putting to some people, so jot that down. I can’t believe this, though. This pizza was good. It was better than pizza I’ve had in restaurants, which is the highest praise a frozen pizza can possibly earn. It was lower in calories, had a crisp crust, had just the right amount of cheese and toppings. I almost don’t believe this was intentional. It felt like this was made for me; a message sent from the heavens to guide me on this final stretch. What kind of latent power does Kowalski’s possess? Are their other branded items the best of the best at what they set out to do? For those unfamiliar with the store itself: it serves as the upper echelon for high priced high quality goods. The store even kind of pivoted a few years back to MOSTLY selling local goods, as a way of making their high costs make some sense. This pizza puts them a step above the others, though. What if they could make all their food taste this good? What if they opened a restaurant? They would have a monopoly in a week’s time! What if they took the money from their monopoly and became a competitor to Amazon? What if this pizza topples empires? They must never know how good, or how strong they truly are.

Also, this (literal) thumbnail is the only picture that even exists of this pizza. They don’t give a SHIT.

TEN OUT OF TEN