Have faith in me, friends, for I wanted SO BADLY to enjoy this pizza. It looked absolutely beautiful. It smelled even better. I took it out of the box and a little packet of honey came with it, and I was instructed to add it to the pizza before serving. I gazed longingly at the packet like a middle aged white woman reading 50 Shades of Grey. It was exotic, it was enticing, and it was safe. I carefully spread the honey onto each slice and sat down with (what looked like) a freshly cooked wood-fired, hand tossed pizza. The first bite confirmed for me that I was actually eating the discarded remnants of other pizzas, that some asshole had put together, realized it tasted like motor oil, and thought “well maybe I’ll just add honey to this and it’ll drown out the flavor.” I was DECEIVED. I don’t know how I’ll ever learn to trust again.

Pros:

• If looks are important, this pizza has them in spades.

Cons:

• The crust had a texture like it had been inflated with helium before cooking. It was all crisp and flakey, but had no substance or flavor beyond that. (-2 points)

• The cheese and sauce were non-existent in the flavor spectrum, but I did taste something awful. I just couldn’t pinpoint what it actually was. I said it earlier but I stand by it: it tasted like motor oil. (-3 points)

• The pepperoni was the last bastion of flavor in this disaster, but when mixed with honey, the final product is just…unappealing. (-1 point)

4/10