Get it? Like the old Ricola commercials? Please laugh. I feel a bit bad rating this pizza because it is absolutely not a pizza. The dry tomatoes you see in the picture are the only semblance of “sauce” on this thing. This is 100% cheese bread. Might even qualify as “hot bruschetta.” Plus it’s a corn meal crust, not proper bread, so it’s just..corn meal and cheese. I guess this company does make pepperoni pizzas too but all the grocery stores in a 100 mile radius that act like they sell healthy foods also refuse to sell frozen pizzas with meat. Thanks, Obama.

Points against it, if it were a pizza:

• 4 types of cheese and 0 flavor? (-1 point)

• Thin wafers of tomato, a vegetable that mostly tastes like tainted water, does not make for a flavorful pizza. (-1 point)

• The crust isn’t very good, either. (-1 point)

• For a pizza the size of my hand, it sure is high in calories. 1200? Yikes. (-1 point)

6/not a pizza